Leave Me Alone!

Posted by Scott Foster on

I try.
I really do.

I’ve been working for years on getting to a place where, in and among the stuff that happens every day, I’m in a near-constant state of prayer. Sometimes I’m conscious of it and sometimes not. Sometimes it’s automatic, but most times not. Sometimes, I just want God to leave me alone.

I’m resigned that I’ll never get all the way there. But, I still think about it. Not all the time, but I think about it often. And I keep on shooting for it. You can’t tell it to look at me, but I am trying.

It’s a lifestyle thing and it’s hard when you’re chasing this thing that keeps moving. Right? You feeling me? Maybe you can relate.

Like, maybe you struggle with food—rich or sweet things, cheeseburgers, fried chicken (my favorite), red meat, carbs. Get that Halloween candy away from me!

All the stuff that’s not supposed to be good for you. Binge-watching TV and snacking, etc. I can relate to that, too. And you can tell it to look at me—obviously, I don’t miss a meal.

It’s a lifestyle thing and it takes discipline to make the turn on a way of life that’s been crafted over time. And it’s usually not crafted intentionally. It just happens. If it is crafted, you are a very disciplined person—moderate. More than I am, for sure. I admire that. Moderation is something I’ve never been very good at.

When I get going, I’m all in. The train has left the station. Bad habits are easy to develop and impossible to break. Good habits are even harder to develop. But, I try. I really do.

So, this morning I wake up and it’s still dark. I’m moving slow. I need the coffee to get my blood moving. I’m just not all that motivated and I’m sure not praying—I’m not into it.

But, I plop down in the chair and just then, the iPad in-box chimes. Good morning! Okay, what? It’s the Daily Lectionary Bible reading for the day—in my inbox and it won’t leave me alone! I give in and read it. Still, no prayers.

So while I’m in the thing, I poke on the Kindle app and open Oswald Chambers (who I most often read in the physical book). But, last time I read Ozzy on the iPad was a couple weeks ago, so I have to swipe through the pages over to September 27.

Now, today’s Ozzy isn’t bad, but that’s not the earworm—the one that won’t leave me alone. I’m swiping past all the entries over the last couple weeks and stumble across a highlight. Something that must have caught my eye last year? The year before? 5 years ago? Who knows?

Please forgive Ozzy’s patriarchal language:

Our Lord never takes measures to make me do what He wants. Sometimes I wish God would master and control me to make me do what He wants, but He will not. And at other times I wish He would leave me alone, and He does not.

All right, all right, ALL RIGHT!
Let us pray…

Grace & Peace,


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